I hate to say this, but college is actually less mentally stimulating than summer is. It actually feels like I’m still on summer break. I play a lot of video games because I don’t get that much homework, and I get a lot more sleep than I would have.

I guess this is one of the biggest changes I’ve experienced when it comes to entering college–everything is so much more relaxed than I’m used to. I’ve long since forgotten much of the things I’ve learned in high school (like Java, which is not good), but now everything moves at a more decent pace. I’m not stuck practicing a concept I learned two weeks ago in my math class. But I guess that’s kind of what AP classes were like.

I’m actually pretty ambivalent about college at this point. Still. I’ve used the spare time to play games and reinforce relationships. And believe you me, there has been quite a lot of free time.

I wonder when I’m going to have to start stressing out. I mean, most of my stressing is due to the procrastination I do, and it isn’t pleasant. But I haven’t stressed out for many years now, and I hate to say I kind of miss it.

Wait, have I ever stressed? I don’t even know.

I’ll try to write more blog posts soon. Not much in terms of bloggable ideas comes my way very often.

tenderizer (super-skrull)

It’s November.

College has only made time go by more quickly. This has been totally unexpected. I’ve had five weeks of school, which means that I’ve been to school fifteen days so far. Ain’t that a doozy?

One of my close(ish?) friends recently got a girlfriend. I think this is his first girlfriend, but it still took me by surprise. He didn’t seem like the girlfriend-going type, what with his putting up a front and all. For some reason, this made me re-evaluate myself and my relationship with women. What am I trying to get out of it? Where am I going? Will it cease to exist? Will it begin?

It probably didn’t take much for you to realize that I’m struggling through this. This is one of the areas of my life where I feel the least confident, but for some reason I don’t really care. This is contrary to the mentality of most boys my age (of which, hopefully, I’ll soon grow out), but I take pride in being mentally mature and cautious of the things I do.

Which brings up another problem. I’m too cautious of the things I do. I don’t want to dive into relationships because I’m afraid of what will happen if things go wrong, which I’m sure will happen. My sole fear of pain is what’s keeping my life where it is–I can’t grow in any direction. I can take physical pain, as long as it’s rational, but any emotional or mental pain will drive me absolutely insane.

I’ve realized these things about myself for quite a while. The only problem is, I don’t know how or necessarily want to change them.