Welcome to the End

It feels like it’s been a long time since I posted anything, but I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.

Mostly death, though.

Death has been the subject matter of most of my creative outlets in the past few weeks (this blog included), and with all that’s happened around me recently, it’s been rather difficult to suppress the thoughts from creeping into my mind. There are two trains of thought that have kept my mind so busy:

First, that we live in a culture that idolizes…no–worships violence. Our movies, books, shows, video games, even our music, to some extent… are about war, “action-adventure” and “the underdog tale.” Frankly, it’s absurd to me that violence has become ubiquitous in our media, despite being something that causes so much grief. Perhaps it became this way because it’s so exciting, because war is a “thrill” that many will not experience.

Following this outlook on violence comes the normalization and, ultimately, watering down of death in general. We now have adages like, “get busy living or get busy dying,” or “live every day like you’re going to die.” People on the internet are telling each other to kill themselves, people are jokingly using “kms” or “I’m dead.”

It’s abhorrent. I hope these phrases are nothing more than a trend, and we can move on to more positive things as a society.

Secondly, I’d be lying if I don’t constantly have “live every day like you’re going to die” in mind. That being said, I’m currently not advancing my career and I’m spending more time and effort on pursuing my hobbies than on finding a new job. I’ve been lounging around at home, playing video games by myself, listening to music and working on personal stuff. If I died tomorrow, I’d die happy knowing that I didn’t leave behind anything destructive, doing what I love: nothing.

And, well, maybe it’s rash of me to be doing this and that I should be planning for my future, but there’s a slippery slope there. At which point does planning for my future turn into striving for success for the sake of it? How much money do I have to make in order to live comfortably?

My answer: not very much. Not now, anyway. I’m living comfortably in my pajamas every day while everybody else is out on the grind. Because if I cross those lines and never turn back, I’m going to regret much, much more than I do now.

If you think I should take more chances in life because I’ll benefit from the rewards more than I’ll suffer from the losses, then maybe you should have just said that in the first place.

Stress level: zero.