Quarantine is coming to a close soon, here in Washington state. When I get through a major phase in my life, I like to pause and reflect for a bit about what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown, but this time it feels a little different.
I can definitely tell you what I learned. I learned audio mixing, video editing, the basics of air conditioning and how to build a house, and that I can make consistent money in the stock market. But I can’t tell you how I’ve grown.
What I can tell you, though, is that my social skills have gotten worse over the past year. It’s hard to determine the extent of damage that has on my ability to interact with people face-to-face, or how long it will take me to recover. But I’ve become comfortable in isolation. The quarantine has allowed me to bypass social situations I don’t like.
I hate getting invited to parties and I don’t like large groups of people. There’s always some social obligation to show up, because I feel like I’m letting down the host(s) and other guests if I don’t. I also usually can’t find a better reason for declining an invitation than, “I don’t want to,” or “I don’t like your friends.” Might as well go and practice getting comfortable with people I don’t know or like. That’s what I tell myself, anyway. But it doesn’t work. I usually end up sitting on the side, wishing I was at home.
Furthermore, I have zero idea what’s acceptable in social-romantic situations. Zero. Zero. I never have. It doesn’t come naturally to me. There have been a few times when I thought about approaching a lady I thought was attractive, but I don’t know what I can and can’t say. I don’t know how to act or be. If somebody in the far future came forward with allegations about me, I can guarantee you I would have no idea what I did or why it was wrong. So prevent that from happening, I instead opt not to approach anyone. If I die alone, that’s fine. I’d rather do that than life with knowing I accidentally hurt people and not knowing why.
Something else I learned is that I objectify everything and everyone. I don’t discriminate, and it’s not intentional. If a person or thing does not bring value to (or creates negative value in) my life, I cut it out. Relationships are complicated, and I’m still trying to figure out how social things work. Sorry if we used to be friends and we don’t talk anymore. I’m working on it.
Lastly, I’ve been trying to be more aware of my attention span. I had an interaction with a few younger people and I couldn’t help but notice their attention span was atrocious. Mine is a little better, and I’m trying to work on it. I can sit through movies and five-minute songs without getting bored. Just recently I was able to focus on two things for long periods of time: one for six hours and the other one for 16. I focused on one thing for sixteen hours. (It was a video game.)
I blame social media for this destruction in global attention span. It’s poison. Tiktok might be the worst of them in this aspect.
But hey, I saved a bunch on gas money last year, and I’ll miss that too.
edit:
Some people, in the 1960s, predicted that the literacy rate in America was going to fall to zero by the 2000s. I have no source for this, I just remember seeing it on one of the pages in the back of 1984 when I was in high school. I wonder what their definition of “literacy” was. Was it simply the ability to read and write, or was it also about mastery of grammar rules and the like? Because I’d argue that the latter has fallen nearly to zero.
I’m willing to bet that the average social media post is written at a third-grade reading level. Don’t get me started on Twitter. Why are people even trying to have nuanced discussions on that platform?
2 replies on “I’m going to miss quarantine.”
I think everyone will miss something about quarantine. While it’s been a stressful time for me as an extrovert, I have had more time with my family and myself. Plus, it gave me space to realize that I was living on auto-pilot prior to the pandemic. I do miss friends, though. Hugs mostly. Laughing and sharing stories in person. That said, it all comes with a heavy dose of anxiety and stress, and with it, guilt for feeling that way after being apart for so long.
I hope you give yourself the grace to step away from social situations you don’t want to be in – no excuse needed. Ease into it if you want to be there, but feel you can’t. Mental health is important, and everyone needs something different. <3
When it comes to dumping hours into video games and acknowledging that as focusing on one thing, I think it’s important to recognize that many games require you to manage a lot of resources, or move between forms of gameplay.
For example: Total War moves between an overworld strategy-focused format and an on-the-ground tactics-focused format. I don’t think it’s fair to consider these as focusing on one thing.
Simpler games, like Mario, could be considered one thing, but there can even be strategy involved in navigating the worlds, separate from the technical platforming gameplay.
For a real-world analogue consider managing a list of chores/errands, and actually doing those errands.
As an example: if you have to change your oil and your brake fluid you would maybe focus on one of those at a time. In a game you’d be draining the oil and then starting to bleed the brake lines while the oil is draining. I don’t know that you can consider this “focusing on one thing”.
Just something to consider.