When Life Hands you Lemons

So last post I spoke of trouble with BYU Independent Study courses. Let me tell you about my week.

My week started about a month ago, when my counselor called me down to her office and told her I should probably get started on assignments. So slowly but surely, I start doing the assignments and I get one of the two classes finished. The other took a little longer because it was a little more difficult and it needed me to look through a textbook. I did most of this throughout doing musical and having AP tests.

Last week, I finished up the assignments and requested the final exam. Feeling pretty confident on it because I studied, I took the test and realized I had failed the class. Not knowing why or how, I calculated my scores out and noticed that I shouldn’t have failed the class with the percentage that I got (it was in the mid to low 60’s).

I call up the Independent Study offices  and ask them what’s going on. It turns out that one assignment–assignment 7–is the only instructor-graded assignment in the course, and since I got a zero on it, I got a zero in the course. I got a zero on the assignment because the instructions said to “initial the lines” and I x’d them instead. The first time I didn’t sign at the bottom, either, but the second time I signed at the bottom but left the x’s there. My instructor failed me.

I frantically email my instructor, apologizing and begging her to let me resubmit the assignment. A few days later she replies, saying that she’ll allow me to do it. This was Sunday. On Monday after 5th Ave Awards, I finish up the assignment properly and have my dad one-day it through USPS. The assignment is checked in at approximately 8:30AM on Tuesday. I expect to hear news on Wednesday, because if I don’t get news by Thursday before graduation, I’m not allowed to graduate.

I don’t get news on Wednesday.

By this time, my mom is freaking out, my counselor is freaking out, and I’m freaking out. I call BYU on Wednesday and ask if they’ve gotten my package. “No,” they say. “We usually get our mail around 12PM Mountain Time, and if it’s not here, then we must usually don’t get it until the next day. However, there is another round of express mail that comes in at about 3PM, Mountain Time.” I must have called them about three times that day. On Thursday, I call back again at about 11 and they say that they don’t have it. I call up my dad and ask him to give me the tracking number (the first time he gives me the wrong tracking number, and when I called USPS to check the location of my package, they said it doesn’t exist. I freaked out). I learn that my package arrived at the Utah post office at around 12:10PM.

I’m calling my mom between calls and I’m finally told that I have to wait. I go back to school and tell my counselor what I’ve heard. I ask if I can walk at graduation if I don’t get any news. No dice.

I go home. I’ve nearly given up.  I sit for two hours, contemplating everything from running away to suicide. Well, it crossed my mind. I realize that I haven’t given God any thought throughout the whole thing and I start praying, confident that he’ll help me. At about 4:00, I recieve an email saying that they’ve gotten my resubmission, but they don’t say anything about a change in my gradebook (which they usually do after they grade an assignment). I say, “This is no time for humor, God.” I call BYU again, whose customer service reps seem to be quite annoyed by me, and I ask them if they can do anything to speed up the process. They say that they’ve done all they could.

About half an hour later, which is about an hour and a half before I’m supposed to be at graduation, I get the email saying that there’s a change in my grades. My stressing is finally over.

After graduation, my brother and friends are walking with me back to the car. My friend starts singing the line from “Salvation is Here”, “I know my God saved the day.” I laughed inside at the irony and think, “Thanks, God. T_T”

I figure that this time was proabably used by God to tell me to come back to him and to put more faith in him. The only problem is, now, that I have a grad party I really want to go to tomorrow (today) which goes from 4:30-whenever, but I have praise practice from 4-6 and missions training from 7-whenever. I should probably go to church considering all the favors he’s done for me this week, but then I also really want to go to my good friend’s house.

I don’t have much time to decide.

I can’t think of anything that has happened to me that is more bittersweet than graduation. On one hand, I’m leaving free education, the Junior class (which is full of energy and promise), familiar schedules and happy teachers that don’t necessarily like me. On the other hand… uh… I can’t really think of any pros that go with graduating.

I guess I just need to grow up and accept changes. I haven’t been too good at that thus far.  Seriously. I just don’t want to go. Orchestra will be gone. Mr. Steves will be gone. Carefree teachers will be gone. Instead I’ll be thrown in a room with a bunch of strangers, forced to stare at a guy while he talks about how computers work.

There’s no music program at UW:B. I’m really pissed. I hate collegeboard.

If it comes to the situation where you’re short PE credits, use BYU only as a last resort and finish it as quickly as you can. I’m in a tight spot right now because of BYU.

I wonder if I’m going to regret not going to any school dances. I wonder if I’ll work up the courage to ask someone next year.

A summer goal: spend fewer than 800 hours in front of my computer. It looks like a high number but I’ve broken it easily each previous year.

This is kind of like graduating OV… except I actually wanted to leave OV because I didn’t like any of the teachers and only liked a few of the students. Now that I think about it, a majority of my friends in high school went to HP or Explorer, and when I look at some people in the senior class who went to OV with me,  a great feeling of disappointment washes over me.

I regret not making music a bigger part of my life.

I regret not prioritizing my friends over my nerd life.

I regret many, many things. However, a very good friend of mine has taught me to live without regrets. I no longer think about the past in a sorrowful manner. But I do the future.

I don’t know what will become of me; only that I’ll be sad for a long while over the summer.

By the way. I’ll pay $10 to anybody who can make me cry through emotional stimuli. I haven’t cried in years.

To wrap up: something beautiful.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I&w=425&h=349]

There were a few things at the bottle ceremony that I didn’t get to say but really really wanted to:

1) I don’t understand how I got in in the first place. I decided to try out on a whim, taking the music the day before auditions, not looking at it and sight-singing the audition material.

2) I always thought Ms. Duck was in her late 20’s.

3)  Everybody in the musical is really cute.

4) I love my moustache, even if it did give me a rash.

5)  I regret not joining the musical earlier.

6) This is the first time I’ve ever worn jeans for an extended period of time. My legs are itchy now.

7) I secretly wished that the musical would be Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, even though I knew it would never happen.

8. I’m rather surprised that Mr. Steves didn’t give me the stink eye when he heard that I was going to be in the show.

9) Cast > Pit.

10)  I’m going to miss not seeing you all every day. 🙁

11)  Kansas City, guys.

12) I’ve never danced with a girl prior to the musical. I’ve hardly touched one.

13) I’ve seen and heard more awkward things than I ever want to.

14) I still don’t think I sing very well.

15) I wish we could all live together forever.

16) I’ve always wanted to compose a large symphonic work, but now I want to write a musical.

These thoughts ran through my head a while back; I’m not sure how they came back to me, but here they are:

We’re all aware that religions exist in the world. There are those who celebrate one God and those who celebrate none at all. Well, here’s an idea that you can agree or disagree with: religion doesn’t exist.

In fact, neither does history. Or the future. This theory of life is built around the fact that (hypothetically,) my life is the only one that exists. History that I learn, news that I hear, people that I meet, etc. only exist to influence my life in certain ways and to give me a defined perception of the world.

Life did not exist before my creation. Life will not exist after my Life ceases. And even though there is no way to disprove this theory (you can’t enter someone else’s body to see whether or not they actually exist), well, you can’t exactly prove it, either.

I’ll leave the rest of the thinking up to you guys. I realize the theory may be based on closed-mindedness, but footage and artifacts of ancient life (I’m using the term ‘ancient’ pretty liberally, here) quite possibly doesn’t exist–I’m not around to see the people to create the artifacts, and I’m not there to see the actual events happening, so I have plenty a good reason not to believe in their actual existence.

bah.